Cadence For Sam Horton I. You could have been the one to change the world -- Shatter the pride of the wise, the hatred of the bigot, the ignorance of the masses, the selfishness of the bourgeoisie – like bullets through plate-glass windows Instead you chose the solace of greed, the relief of loathing, the blindness of ignorance, the exhaltation of arrogance, My mind was a fire of ice which you extinguished, scattered the ashes to the four corners of the earth Burning but cleansing, purifying inferno of cynicism and philosophy, melting my flesh, searing my soul – my heart – Pulling my consciousness back together piece by piece, one ash at a time – I see now that I cannot see; We held the world in our hands, you grew weak, you couldn't stand, flaccid arms and hands drop to your sides, the weight too much to bear From trembling hands slips the fragile sphere, plummeting into an abyss of confusion A sudden explosion and a monstrous mushroom cloud, spreading angry fall-out with lethally bitter radiation Time is a drug that dulls the pain and heals the open, puss-filled radiation sores, the wounds in my back which are often aggravated You couldn't wait for time's narcotic, had to find your own way out Did good ole' Jack help you see the light, did he guide you to nirvana, or was it just the carefree life, the constant hazy blur of years that seemed to entrance you so? I remember a sallow-faced, frightened child, alone in the world of his closed eyelids – and another A lonely boy, a victim of fate, a gun in his hand but no bullets around, mind like a razor and wit like a saber, A heated discussion over a rickety table set with pukish-yellow, plastic trays heaped with fish sticks and Salisbury steak and green gravy, Two ignorant minds ranting and raving over a political system neither understood Who threw insults and threats but were always civil And I remember a train bearing down on my head its horn bellowing, screaming at me, an old wrinkled man with a shock of white hair and a kindly grin, a little slow on the comprehension from time's mental decay, pausing to turn – the locomotive breathing down my neck And a dark-skinned fellow, with rolls of fat and jolly, empty eyes who stole your shoes and jumped in the concrete fountain to escape the angry street-punks, And an extension of the Holy Wars as the Muslems fought the Christians with chemical weapons and menthol mace and toilet paper for control of the porcelain throne, Where both sides lost, only one survived and wiped up the carnage with a pine-green towel and nursed his minor injuries with care – "dry clean only" – And militant vegans who rant and rave and one with gentle persuasion who convinces and explains that cows are people too, And a sheltered girl who goes insane at the rich, sweet taste of the addictive cane, And convincing the world that the wrath of God will fall like rain at either mercy or justice and that seed-bearing plants are not holy, And conversing at the bewitching hour – of life and love and faith and truth, emotion and relief pouring forth in a flood and strengthening the bonds of kinship, And a speech impromptu made before a Community, with God in the balcony and tears streaming from my eyes – a re-re-recommitment and an embrace of brotherhood; A friend in pain and a competition, you chose compassion over ambition and never did I love you as much, And a Ruby girl who left you blushing and paralyzed and when alcohol and ignorance mingled with jealousy my face was made to meet a wall despite my innocence, Was out of love and not of anger and perhaps the same is true for you, jealousy went to its resting place once more and emotion was sprinkled in its place, And meditation, dharma speech, resentment, anger and disbelief, searching, questing for what you need, never understanding what you perceive – Devotion and misunderstanding combine to make disillusion. I remember pulling weeds with heavy gloves and muddy jeans, a shrieking child and a snake-like root, a laughing grandfather and a scorching sun, And spouting words at unintelligible speeds, spitting sentences like sparks from a torch, striving to be faster in order to catch the fleet-footed victory, A rubber-band war and one sure-shot that almost put out the poor teacher's eye, And a screaming match with a broken arm and a chicken-charred house over a foolish assignment to make penance for intelligence, And amateur philosophers and lawyers and presidents vying for a piece of plastic and metal, discussing absurd concepts and proposing impossible prospects, oh what glorious fun it was, And flying through the asphalt airways with plastic flapping all around in a deafening roar, reaching the sound barrier (or at least wishing we could) and plummeting over railroad tracks, And angry words spoken in haste, the loss of a friend I could never replace – another apology another day – how I wish it didn't have to be this way, And praying that one day we'll both see the light and release our resentment and start life anew. We could have been the ones to change the world – have the pieces been scattered too far to gather? Once we held the world in our hands. II. Every night I carry you on angel's wings to the foot of the throne of God And every night His reply is the same – "give him time, give him time" I water Heaven with my tears as I watch you fall again and again But peace is with me and I wish it to you, you could use some peace today You probably don't even think I care but the bitterest tears have come from you And so have the fondest memories, of life and freedom, individuality You are my brother, my dearest friend and never will I forsake that bond My arms are open and so is my heart – my life is yours if it need be so Don't let narcissism take you from me, nor the anger you call the truth If you cannot know my God – then at least know me It seems far too often you drew away because you fear what you have become Or is it that you then fear me and the things that I believe? Perhaps you do not want me to care, or to fly on the wings of a seraph And if you care no longer, I understand, I know you well enough I only hope that if you are in need, you will be able to come to me. III. I was with you in Texas Where with clever alcoholics and crafty addicts you schemed your next binge or another drug fix. I was with you in Texas Where the shadow of an enraged child veiled with sorrow all that were close to him. I was with you in Texas When you raised your eyes to Heaven and wept for joy and penance at the existence of the Allmighty. I was with you in Texas Where you cast your eyes inward again and sought truth in your own wisdom and abilities. I was with you in Texas Where you cried in sorrow over a broken heart and lamented your weakness because "big boys don't cry." I was with you in Texas Where you toyed with the hearts of women and discarded them when the mood seemed to strike you, leaving others with the pieces. I was with you in Texas Where you sacrificed your youth to the gods of maturity and grew up too fast – trying to escape your low self-image. I was with you in Texas Where we would talk cryptically about hopes and dreams and all that we have ever feared. I was with you in Texas When you met your mother for the very first time and told us all with mock enthusiasm the story of your early life. I was with you in Texas Where you contemplated suicide but had neither the means nor the will to do so. I was with you in Texas When my life fell apart and yours already had – a blur of booze and drugs that helped you make it from day to day. I was with you in Texas Where you considered me your closest friend and I considered you mind, even though neither of us are perfect. I was with you in Texas Where we flew on wings as angels and held the world in our hands. Footnote to Cadence Sweet! Sweet! Sweet! Sweet! Sweet! Truth and love and peace are sweet! And honesty, ignorance, wisdom, folly – all sweet! Sweet is the cherubim! Sweet is the muddy jeep! Sweet is the love of a friend! Sweet are the times they share! Sweet! Sweet! Sweet! Sweet is rest! Sweet are the waking hours! Sweet is prose! Sweet is poetry! Sweet is thought and music and meditation! Sweet is absence! Sweet is presence! Sweet is the lovers' embrace! Sweet the bride's opaque veil! Sweet the shroud of the dead! Sweet the tomb of the righteous! Sweet! Sweet! Sweet! Sweet is innocence! Sweet is experience! God and his Host and Emmanuel – sweet! Sweet is the Sam I once knew! Sweet is the Sam that is now! Sweet is the bond that we had! Forgiveness, trust, patience – all sweet! Sweet the day of Judgement! Sweet the day of destruction! Sweet the day of salvation! Sweet the day of reconciliation! Sweet! Sweet! Sweet! Sweet is life! Sweet is blessing! Sweet is persecution! Sweet is joy and peace and hope! Sweet! Sweet! Sweet is love!